


Different

by lordkrisdemort



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jongdae's Birthday Week 2020, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26423929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordkrisdemort/pseuds/lordkrisdemort
Summary: When he dropped the news of his upcoming marriage to Minseok while they were having lunch in their favorite restaurant during Minseok’s military break, Jongdae wished things were different.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42
Collections: Challenge #7 — Out of Order





	Different

Jongdae always wished things were different.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah. Just. Thinking.”

As he stared at a picture frame of Minseok in Mrs. Kim’s arms as they walked towards the ambulance to send Minseok’s body away for cremation, Jongdae wished things were different.

“Your food is getting cold.”

“Right. Do you think I can ask them to reheat this?”

“Silly.”

When he was informed that Minseok had died in a mission at the demilitarized zone on the border between South and North Korea, Jongdae wished things were different.

“You have something to tell me.”

“... was it obvious?”

“I can read it on your face very well.”

At the third month of Minseok replying to everyone’s texts but his, Jongdae wished things were different.

“Well… I do have something to tell you.”

“Can we wait until we finish eating?”

“Alright.”

When he dropped the news of his upcoming marriage to Minseok while they were having lunch in their favorite restaurant during Minseok’s military break, Jongdae wished things were different.

“I miss this food so much. The military base’s cafeteria hasn’t been my favorite place.”

“Such a shame that your camp can’t visit Kyungsoo’s. I bet they feast everyday with him cooking.”

“I know, right? I miss his beef soup.”

The day they had a fight instead of making love considering that Minseok would be leaving for the military the next day, Jongdae wished things were different.

“Did you read Baekhyun’s message in the chat room yesterday?”

“Yep, he’s buying the same bed as mine, right?”

“He’s been doing great with decorating his new place.”

“I bet Chanyeol is going to gift him that smart fridge.”

“ _Duh_. He won’t even think twice about buying it.”

In that moment Minseok whispered the softest ‘ _I love you_ ’ to him, almost inaudible because they were at the back of the car going to an event and everyone other than their supportive friends were in the same space, Jongdae wished things were different.

“So, what is it that you want to tell me?”

When they had to book a hotel room to spend the night together so they wouldn’t leave any trace of their encounter back at their own apartments, Jongdae wished things were different.

“I’m getting married, Minseok hyung.”

But when is the worst moment in which Jongdae wishes things were different?

“Married.”

“She’s two months pregnant.”

“Wow.”

“The wedding would be very private.”

“I see.”

“You won’t be able to attend.”

“I think so.”

“I’m going to be a father.”

“That’s amazing, Jongdae.”

“Once you finish your military service, my child would already be able to crawl.”

“I’ll make sure I visit often.”

It’s this moment, when the realization that Minseok is never coming back to him finally hits him full.

“Things are going to change.”

“I know.”

“Yeah.”

“The thing between us is going to change too, right?”

“It’s going to have to end.”

“I see.”

He wishes that he was nineteen years old, about to meet Minseok for the very first time. He wishes he was walking down the hall to the practice room, and instead of picking up the speed, he wishes he stayed with the slow pace. That way, he wouldn’t have to stumble upon Minseok and see amusement dancing on Minseok’s face, which then would captivate him to the point Minseok’s whole appearance gets carved in his mind immediately.

“But our friendship stays, right? It can stay, right?”

“Of course. It can. We’ve always been friends anyway.”

“Thank you. For saying that.”

He wishes that he was twenty two years old, waiting for Minseok in front of a convenience store. He wishes he was looking at his phone instead of looking around. That way, he wouldn’t have to find Minseok standing next to a street lamp post, grinning at him while ruffling his own hair, which then would make his heart skip too many beats for him to stay calm, and then would only drag him deeper in something he shouldn’t have dared to feel.

“I guess I should go.”

“Already?”

“The bus arrives in an hour.”

“Okay. It was nice to catch up with you, hyung.”

“Sure.”

“Bye for now.”

“Bye for now. Tell the kids to reply to my texts, please.”

“Will do.”

He wishes that he was twenty five years old, sitting on the floor of the practice room, facing Minseok. He wishes he had stood up to get some drink instead of staying locked on his spot under Minseok’s warm gaze. That way, he wouldn’t have to feel the sudden urge to press his lips against Minseok’s soft ones, and wouldn’t do exactly that, which then would seal the dangerous deal between them.

“Jongdae,”

“Yes?”

“Give me some time, will you? You can’t expect me to see you only as my friend again just like that. You’re getting married, and someone is going to fill your mornings and nights. I’m getting back to the military, and I don’t think I can get busy enough to stop my mind from thinking about this. About you.”

“I will. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.”

He wishes that he was twenty eight years old, having lunch with Minseok who was on his military service break. He wishes he was brave enough to admit that more than wishing that the thing between them never happened, he wished that they had let it grow to something more than just stolen kisses and omitted traces of the nights they shared.

That way, maybe he wouldn’t have to see the vivid, dripping pain in Minseok’s eyes. He wouldn’t have to see how bad he had hurt Minseok.

“I wish… I wish things were different.”

That way, he wouldn’t have to feel so undeserving to tell Minseok that he, too, loved him.

“Things could’ve been different,-”

Jongdae always wished things were different,

“-we just didn’t make it happen.”

and would always wish things were different.

* * *

  
  



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